15 Things I Would Change About California

If I want to buy a house in California, in a neighborhood I like, where the people I love are currently living, it's going to cost me over a million dollars. WHAT?! Yes, it's crazy. However, we can always hope for a natural disaster to bring those prices down!

This is a serious one. California in dehydrating to the point of no return. We've manipulated our planet to the point of exhaustion, and we should be managing it better. No more green lawns, definitely no more swimming pools, and ten minute showers for the win.

When it can still reach over a hundred degrees in the winter, you'd think that our water would play along. Some of us would be more inclined to venture out into the ocean if it felt like bathwater, so why can't climate change just hurry up!

This sort of goes along with the whole “more rain” section. What I love about California is that you can surf in the morning, and allegedly go skiing in the evening, but that doesn't happen any more. Thanks to the drought, our mountaintops are empty, leaving a vast gap in our ecosystem and our hearts.

Bears are scary. Bears are literally the scariest things in the whole world. Forget extremism, or humans being crazy, I'd rather meet a nutter in a dark alleyway than a bear!

When Quentin (nicknamed Cretin, for how crazy he is) showed up in my life, I felt like he filled a gap I never knew was missing. He was so small and malnourished, and we're still taking him back and fore to the vets for check ups. The thought that someone out there had owned this animal, and then allowed it to disappear without so much as a post on Facebook, disgusts me. Shame on you, whoever you are!

Costco on the westside of LA also plays host to In-N-Out. Until they fixed up the entry, it was a clusterf... cars would be lined up all the way down the block to get into this delicious burger heaven. I have never, ever seen less than five people/cars in front of me at In-N-Out. If you're visiting, it's definitely worth the wait.

Great Good Fine Ok are playing the Troubadour in January. They are a relatively new band out of New York, and are absolutely fantastic. The cost of their tickets? $12, plus a booking fee. Perfect. I'd have paid $45 to see them! It's a neat venue, with great sound, and a history that lines the walls. However, I would not pay $145 dollar for a booth at the Hollywood Bowl to see Weird Al. That is extortionate... so I got my buddy Karl to give me a ticket for free.

As a geographical scientist, I know how easy to predict an earthquake. By “easy” I mean impossible, and by “predict” I mean have a rough idea of maybe potentially guestimating the likelihood. You can't predict earthquakes, and you cannot say that we are “overdue”. All we have to do is sit here and wait to die.

I truly believe that Americans work harder than any other nation on the planet. I don't just mean this in terms of physical work, but mental work too. As a new country, America still has something to prove and they're doing it amazingly. Sure, it might just be my experience down here in the little Liberal bubble of California, but I honestly think Americans work harder than any other race. However, I wouldn't mind being able to take a few more days off, as well as letting my friends do the same.

See above. They suck. They're scary. I want my mummy!

Two just isn't enough. In a recent chat with one of the original architects of the Getty Centre, I realized that Californians need more outlets for their art (as if we don't have enough). We need places to see Banksy that are free, and won't be taken down by the local council. We deserve widespread availability of international and historical works that are endlessly beautiful. Another Getty is just one option, right?

There are a wealth of foods that did not make the transition from the UK to America, and these beautiful pieces of puffy stinky lovely are just one of them. Along with Monster Munch, are Fish and Chips (and don't lie and say that America has fish n' chips, because you don't), a full Sunday Roast, Green Pot Noodle, Lucozade, Marmite, a proper cup of tea, and a great Indian curry!

I know, I know, I know, it's almost as bad as Pacifico – which I also love – but I like Budweiser. It's cheap, it's cheerful, it does the job. I never really drink any more, just because I have so my work to do, so sometimes I want to treat myself to crap!